bersama-sama kami. you are always in our hearts even the children. quite lot of things happen but we move on. But I think, I'm very lucky coz lots of people support me, families, jiran-jiran and friends kat office and especially my pool car mates. my pool car mates banyak bagi semangat untuk meneruskan hidup ini Ana (she and husband Jamil almost like my adik angkat) Ida, Nisah and Zah. before that Sofiah and Pn. Siah (dah pindah kat SP and BM). 
Abang when you left us so suddenly, me, Farahdeena, Faris and Fathul Amin grew up over night. When you were alive, everything were done for me including shopping and masak for the children. Bila bangun pagi I terus pergi kerja at 6:30 am. My friend Kasmah dah tunggu kat rumah. Dalam kereta dapat tidor lagi. Semua untuk anak-anak you yang uruskan. Buat milo for breakfast, kejutkan bangun pagi and bought them lunch and cook for dinner, sebab they always have their dinner at 6:30 pm. You sent and picked them up.
When I came back at 6:30 pm, I pun terus join them makan. the rest of the chore around the house you yang buat. Memang I sangat bersyukur I married to you, and you never forget to remind me abaut that. Furthermore you memang fobia dengan kebersihan lantai, sampai midnight pun you will be sweeping and mopping the floor, and cakap I malas, but as I always told you, I dont want to over the penyapu and mop with you, I would rather do something else, tengok TV, reading, ajar anak baca Quran and see them do thei homework.
I only do housework on friday and saturday. I also kena masak on the weekends sebab the children dah enforced the ruling. saturday also for visiting parents and inlaws and montly shopping. we look forward for shopping time, you will go and find what to buy kat food sectin while me and children window shopping kat chidren and women's section. Even kat wet market also you yang beli ikan and vege sebab I memang buta ikan, I dont what fish to buy. you will also beli lots of fruits, sebab our children memang kuat makan buah especially Faris.
I can still remember that morning, when you sent me to the bus station, abang tak banyak cakap. Tapi dalam hati I ingat kalau kasmah tak ikut nak kereta (since kereta dia rosak) I rasa macam tak nak ke ofis. Bila sampai kat bus station as always I will kiss you hand and cheeks and you will kiss my forehead abang terus balik coz nak hantar anak-anak ke sekolah pulak.
Bila kat ofis you will never miss calling me. Tapi I tak perasan apa-apa maybe you are too busy dengan mesyuarat persatuan. Tapi at 2 pm - until 3:30 pm Farah and Faris called I sebab you tak ambil both of them lagi. I rasa pelik coz whatever happen you mesti pick them up. Tapi yang peliknya Fathul Amin tak call so I ingat mesti you pick up Fathul first lepas tu pi mana-mana dulu sebelum pick Farah and Faris. Bila they call lagi nangis-nangis I pun panic, actually I dah called your handset and kat rumah a few times. BUT I should have call jiran Kak Ani or Kak Limah but I forgot. My biggest mistake. Rasa macam nak balik rumah suruh one of my friend hantar tapi takut kantoi pulak sebab pernah terjadi one office mate suruh kawan hantar balik rumah just to spy on her husband.
Nsib baik I ingat my youngest brother kat BM pick Farah and Faris, pastu terus balik rumah. In the meantime I balik rumah tumpang kereta my friend Shah, turun kat Bedong and dari Bedong tumpang Jamil husband Ana balik rumah. Waktu dlam kereta Farah call kata Ayah dia pengsan tapi I dah rasa lain tak kan pengsan punya lama. Pastu she called again kata ayah dia dah meninggal, she also called police and ambulance.
When I arrived at the house, dah ramai orang Farah and Faris started to cry. Rupanya Pak su and jiran Pak cik kena pecahkan pintu dapur coz you are in the house, Farah and Faris can see from the window. Luckily gate rumah tak kunci. It looks like macam abang tengah nak ambil ubat gout, but you terjatuh, but your hand masih pegang kerusi and meja. And It looks like lepas tu you nak pi ambil Fathul Amin kat sekolah.
When I came back Fathul Amin belum balik lagi, I was quite worried, rupanya dia try to call me bila tak dapat dia pi duduk dengan kawan ayahnya yang jual soya bean, bila dah habis jual soya bean dia terus hantar Fathul kat rumah. Alhamdulillah Fathul Amin bijak orangnya.
I thank all my friends and jiran for helping me and my brothers and ipar. without them memang I dont know wahat to do. Selepas pegi hantar hospital for post mortem, (dr. cakap jantung bisalah) they asked me nak simpan kat mana, I'm sure you nak bersama dengan mak dan ayah you kat Bagan Jermal, so I said kat Bagan. Kalau kat SP I rasa tak bersedia and jauh dari rumah, kalau kat BM pun I tak bersedia, nanti I have to do everthing by myself with my sister in law, sebab mother tak cekap macam orang lain, instead of I yang bersedih dia pula yang lebih.
Di Bagan my brother in laws and sister in laws too care of everything. you know them very cekap, so I and the children baca Al Quran untuk Abang without worrying about anything else. I stayed for a week kat bagan, because all your friends and relatives come for a visit. after a week baru I balik rumah, and felt so lonely, the children are talking, all so quite. Since the teachers bagi kelonggaran they also want to keep me company. tapi I give them one week only, after send them to school tak tak balik rumah, but I went to Taman Jubli coz kat situ ramai orang berjogging and relaxing, I could not go back home alone, the memories kept hunting me.
I duduk kat dalam kereta sampai time to pick up Fathul Amin at 12:45, then terus pick Faris and Farah kat KJ.
The first day I went to work alone in my car, kebetulan all the songs on the radio pun kena mengena so I cried all the way masa driving. luckily on the second day Ana ikut ke pejabat. terima kasih Ana kerana stand by me.
Masa abang passed away banyak message yang I simpan.
I can still remember that morning, when you sent me to the bus station, abang tak banyak cakap. Tapi dalam hati I ingat kalau kasmah tak ikut nak kereta (since kereta dia rosak) I rasa macam tak nak ke ofis. Bila sampai kat bus station as always I will kiss you hand and cheeks and you will kiss my forehead abang terus balik coz nak hantar anak-anak ke sekolah pulak.
Bila kat ofis you will never miss calling me. Tapi I tak perasan apa-apa maybe you are too busy dengan mesyuarat persatuan. Tapi at 2 pm - until 3:30 pm Farah and Faris called I sebab you tak ambil both of them lagi. I rasa pelik coz whatever happen you mesti pick them up. Tapi yang peliknya Fathul Amin tak call so I ingat mesti you pick up Fathul first lepas tu pi mana-mana dulu sebelum pick Farah and Faris. Bila they call lagi nangis-nangis I pun panic, actually I dah called your handset and kat rumah a few times. BUT I should have call jiran Kak Ani or Kak Limah but I forgot. My biggest mistake. Rasa macam nak balik rumah suruh one of my friend hantar tapi takut kantoi pulak sebab pernah terjadi one office mate suruh kawan hantar balik rumah just to spy on her husband.
Nsib baik I ingat my youngest brother kat BM pick Farah and Faris, pastu terus balik rumah. In the meantime I balik rumah tumpang kereta my friend Shah, turun kat Bedong and dari Bedong tumpang Jamil husband Ana balik rumah. Waktu dlam kereta Farah call kata Ayah dia pengsan tapi I dah rasa lain tak kan pengsan punya lama. Pastu she called again kata ayah dia dah meninggal, she also called police and ambulance.
When I arrived at the house, dah ramai orang Farah and Faris started to cry. Rupanya Pak su and jiran Pak cik kena pecahkan pintu dapur coz you are in the house, Farah and Faris can see from the window. Luckily gate rumah tak kunci. It looks like macam abang tengah nak ambil ubat gout, but you terjatuh, but your hand masih pegang kerusi and meja. And It looks like lepas tu you nak pi ambil Fathul Amin kat sekolah.
When I came back Fathul Amin belum balik lagi, I was quite worried, rupanya dia try to call me bila tak dapat dia pi duduk dengan kawan ayahnya yang jual soya bean, bila dah habis jual soya bean dia terus hantar Fathul kat rumah. Alhamdulillah Fathul Amin bijak orangnya.
I thank all my friends and jiran for helping me and my brothers and ipar. without them memang I dont know wahat to do. Selepas pegi hantar hospital for post mortem, (dr. cakap jantung bisalah) they asked me nak simpan kat mana, I'm sure you nak bersama dengan mak dan ayah you kat Bagan Jermal, so I said kat Bagan. Kalau kat SP I rasa tak bersedia and jauh dari rumah, kalau kat BM pun I tak bersedia, nanti I have to do everthing by myself with my sister in law, sebab mother tak cekap macam orang lain, instead of I yang bersedih dia pula yang lebih.
Di Bagan my brother in laws and sister in laws too care of everything. you know them very cekap, so I and the children baca Al Quran untuk Abang without worrying about anything else. I stayed for a week kat bagan, because all your friends and relatives come for a visit. after a week baru I balik rumah, and felt so lonely, the children are talking, all so quite. Since the teachers bagi kelonggaran they also want to keep me company. tapi I give them one week only, after send them to school tak tak balik rumah, but I went to Taman Jubli coz kat situ ramai orang berjogging and relaxing, I could not go back home alone, the memories kept hunting me.
I duduk kat dalam kereta sampai time to pick up Fathul Amin at 12:45, then terus pick Faris and Farah kat KJ.
The first day I went to work alone in my car, kebetulan all the songs on the radio pun kena mengena so I cried all the way masa driving. luckily on the second day Ana ikut ke pejabat. terima kasih Ana kerana stand by me.
Masa abang passed away banyak message yang I simpan.
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